Your House: Do You Feel Something Is Missing??

Sometimes, no matter what we add--whether it be more furniture, different accessories, or a new paint color--the rooms in our houses can still feel empty and uncomfortable. Something is missing--but what the heck is it?  Figuring this out can seem daunting--and it is certainly frustrating to feel that you have tried everything, perhaps over many, many years of living in a house, and STILL it doesn't feel like home.

So, the best way for me to explain your problem is to say that there is a lack of intimacy in your home.

OKAY, OKAY....before you roll your eyes and stop reading, LET ME EXPLAIN...

 

When I talk about intimacy as it relates to your house, I am not talking about a Dr. Ruth kinda thing, I am talking about a quality that exists when a house is set up in such a way that it truly supports and even enhances how we live. When it is present, intimacy gives us that feeling of being "at home"--and we sense it at a soul-deep level.

Hopefully I haven't lost you out of frustration or doubt. If you are still with me, let's go over some concrete ideas that each of us can implement to capture this essential element of intimacy and make ourselves a home:

• Your Furniture--no matter the size of the room they are in, sofas and chairs in a living space should be close together and oriented toward one another. Yes, I know the TV is all important, but if we want our homes to FEEL GOOD, our rooms have to be set up so that we can easily sit down and have a CONVERSATION. Intimacy can't exist without relationships.
• Your Rooms-- please ignore what your rooms were named when you bought the house.  For example, if your "dining room" is only used once a year for a formal dinner, and the rest of the time it sits empty (except for papers and other clutter) then be honest with your house and yourself about your needs. Maybe a "home office" or a "craft room" would be a better use of all that square footage. Change the name and tell the truth. Honesty creates intimacy.
• Your Emotions--what brings you joy? What do you find beautiful? To feel tied to our houses, they need to connect with us on an emotional level. Again, honesty is important as we look through our possessions and evaluate whether or not they make us feel good and whether we feel they are are an accurate representation of how we want to live and what we find meaningful and lovely. Getting emotional connects our hearts to where we live--and intimacy is created.
• Your "Personal Grooming"--if you were preparing to go out to dinner with a spouse with whom you had nothing but years of frustration & disappointment, you probably wouldn't care to get dressed up or look your best. Why bother, right? I am betting the same is true in how you have cared for your house amidst all this lack of intimacy. Consider doing a deep cleaning--or, better yet, hire someone else to do it! A spa day for your house creates a fresh start and can help you feel it is indeed worth forging an intimate connection once again.

The View From The Basement

I have been helping my son with his basement bedroom....have to say, what a mess! Give a kid a room that is out of sight, and it is definitely out of mind, and it sure gets out of control. Seems like a couple of times a year I need to help both kids think about what they are holding on to and make sure that  a purge of sorts happens.

They usually resist, but when we are done, it feels so much better. I know they would begrudgingly agree.

As I was coming up the old staircase with bags of donations, this was the view that greeted me. Decluttering is fascinating, no? What is she bringing up now??? :)

Your Monthly Homework Assignment!- Learning How To Calm Down

This morning, I spoke at 8th Grade Career Day at my kids' school--it was a hoot. Not only did I get to talk about things I am passionate about, but I got to embarrass my own children at the same time. What could be more fun?!? :)

One of the things I asked the participants to envision (as I often do whenever I speak somewhere) was their favorite place on the planet--it could be a house, a room, a place in nature--anywhere, but it had to be the place they once felt at their very best, felt most like themselves.

After they had this very special place in mind, I had them try to describe it in just one or two words. The thing is, from 13 year olds to adults, the important qualities people mention when talking about their "just-right" places are almost always the same--their description is consistently about feeling at peace, feeling calm.

So how do we create more of this feeling in our homes, since it obviously makes us feel so good?

This is our quick assignment for this month, so I want you to pick one place--maybe your bathroom shelf, the top of your desk, or one section of your kitchen counter--a small area where you know you have a lot of stuff laying around, out in view. A place that this is true for many is the FRONT OF THE REFRIGERATOR. Is that true for you?

You see, when we have a lot of stuff sitting out, it is almost like having a group of people all talking at us at the same time. You may not really "see" all of those items on the shelf or refrigerator anymore --it may have become white noise to you--but trust me, they are still trying to get your attention and causing a commotion every time your eye glances over them....

Set your timer for 15 minutes and quickly throw out anything that may be trash, create a pile of things that may belong other places in the house (we will put them away when our timer goes off), and consider the things that truly belong in that space and how you want to store them....

Is it possible to store them in a drawer? A basket? In a closet or cabinet nearby?--somewhere out of sight.  Having less on the surfaces in our homes automatically makes it feel more settled. It helps us to feel more calm. 

Of course, selecting a couple of beautiful or sentimental items (just a few!) to put on display gives the room interest...but just like a good piece of writing, those displays should be carefully edited and changed from time to time.

I selected this assignment this month, because it is something I recently noticed I needed to do in my own office. Things were just hangin' out, and cluttering my visual space. I feel so much better now that I took some time to clear the decks and restore peace and calm again.

 

A Wonderful Mother's Day

My Mother's Day was a quiet day at home--just as I wanted it to be... There were a few memorable characters involved for sure.

It was such a beautiful day with a cool breeze...we just hung around in the grass, played catch... and took some fun pictures

Lots of things were blooming too.... And the best was coming across the station master on our garden railroad who looked like he didn't know what the hell happened to his beautiful station after that heavy rainstorm....

Poor guy looks like he is frozen with fear. Don't worry--we'll clean it off for you! It'll be good as new....

I think the afternoon of taking pictures must have made my daughter feel more at home with my camera. Found this one today as I was downloading the pictures....

Classic.

Hope you had a great Mother's Day, too!!!!

Are You Making A Good First Impression?

What is the first thing that one sees when they enter your house??  How do you feel about the way your house greets you? How it greets your guests??

Is it pretty? Or just pretty unremarkable? Maybe it is something that you would rather not have anyone see at all.

For my clients, their entry (pictured here) was just "milk toast," a space that despite its stunning Victorian-era high ceilings and dramatic millwork, didn't really have anything to say.

AND it lacked the functionality that this family with three small children needed. All those tiny shoes take up more room than you think.... 

I knew with a punch of color, and some simple changes, this entryway could have enough drama and organization to make everyone happy.

A lot has changed and the space now feels completely different...

With choosing a deep blue for the walls that would compliment the adjacent rooms, a crisp white for the trim to create contrast, and an eye-catching ceiling light fixture, we were off to the races...

A new rug with the same palette, and the homeowners own blue and white pillows repurposed from the master bedroom pull everything together. The new large mirror reflects light and gives you one more chance to straighten your tie, touch up your lipstick--or maybe just make sure you don't have food in your teeth--before you dash out the door...

The rustic bench that had always been a welcome place to sit down and pull off boots remained, and to add much needed storage we put in this clever IKEA shoe storage cabinet...

I have recommended this small but mighty piece to many clients. The top drawer holds keys and smaller items, while the two bottom "drawers" actually tilt forward so that shoes slide in vertically--holding twelve pairs of shoes or more!  So useful, and it takes up so little space. 

And its functionality doesn't end there. The shoe cabinet also acts as a front hall table that holds flowers and a petite lamp--giving the room a sense of place and additional charm.

Your entryway needs to impress YOU--this isn't about keeping up with the Joneses, but it is about making sure you feel welcomed home when you walk through the door after a long day. Beauty and functionality are things that make us feel good in our soul...and what is more important that that when we are at home?