Help Sorting It All Out

Yes, this is me. No, I hadn't been drinking. My nose is red from the cold, damp air in the garage I was working in late last week. Just had to share the picture, since I find it funny what you come across while decluttering....like yellowed snippets of newspaper listing old television channels--something very vital to someone not so long ago. I have to admit I did pause before I threw it away because of the clear instructions not to do so scrawled across the top.

(My daughter walked into the room and gasped when she saw me posting that picture. "Mom! That is a horrible picture of you!....Well, I guess it is okay. You are supposed to look super tired when you are working."....Thanks, Honey.)

The family that I was working for has gone through a lot of transition....and where there is transition, there is clutter. In the past two years, this family has lost an elderly parent, and sent their last child off to college.  I was so honored that they called me to help with all the of things that were pushed aside & piled in piles in the wake of that wave of change. The tide had settled just a bit, and all of the extra STUFF was weighing on them in a big way.

It is hard to decide what to do with some of the items that you come across in these situations (for instance, the full container of cellophane obviously from the 1950's with its cool packaging) and that is why it is a good practice to have a decluttering buddy with you as you sort things out (and an additional furry one is extra helpful). A person who is outside of your situation, either a professional organizer or close friend unafraid to be honest with you, can help you remove the emotion from the items you are sorting, and allow you see them objectively. The percentage of things you will end up keeping will be greatly reduced, and the things that do stay will have purpose and meaning to you.

And that means that they are NOT clutter! HOORAY!

What Do You Wish You Had The Time To Do? (I Bet It Isn't Managing Your STUFF.....)

Can you picture it?? I have arrived this morning at your house for our first appointment. This is The Big Day. You called me a few weeks ago, the resolve audible in your voice... The time has come, you say, once and for all, to finally organize your house.

Oh dear. I can't wait to get there and get started, but  when you open the door to greet me, I know what I will see...

Your eyes are wide and starry, your gestures animated, and I bet if I could peer inside your head, I would see dreamy images like these:

or these....

Interesting how you envision the outcome...

I am also all too familiar with the disillusionment that sets in just after we roll up our sleeves and get to work.

You look at me, confused. I am guessing that your inner dialog goes something like this:

Why are we spending so much time going through things and getting rid of stuff? This is hard work, emotional, and I hate making all of these decisions. 

I thought you would be setting up a sophisticated system, so I could put everything in a perfect container, and would know where everything was...and it would look cool...and the house would be stylish and stuff...

I mean, like when do we get to go buy the pretty color-coordinated boxes that I will store everything in?? I thought that we would be spending more time doing that. Not THIS...I mean I can throw things out on my own...

You have fallen into the trap that all of us do from time to time. You have made the mistake of thinking that your frustrations with your home result from the lack of a proper organizational system...JUST GOTTA GET ME ONE OF THOSE.

Nope.

The truth is that your frustration stems from trying to manage and organize too many things, things that don't ultimately matter anyway...and it is a battle that you can't win. Well, unless you want to spend most of your spare time maintaining, straightening, and organizing, OR you have a butler and a staff of twenty to help you run the place...

Neither of those scenarios seem likely to me, so let's talk about how to lessen your frustration and increase your time for fun:

• Focus on what matters to you. I have yet to meet a person who wishes that they just had more time to spend with their kitchen pantry or their basement shelves. I know there are things you are longing to do with your most precious resource, your time. We are about to find you more time--read on.
• More Stuff=Less Time: You have too much stuff--we all do in varying degress. It is all that stuff that is clogging up the works of your life. Get rid of the clutter, have less to fuss with, find more time.
• "I just need a better system"--BUT WAIT, you say, that STUFF is important! I just want to store it in a better way! When you look at the stuff as a whole, it may feel important, but when you look at it carefully, individually, there is a whole mess of things that you don't love, don't  use, and don't need. Simply taking all of that excess STUFF and putting in attractive containers is like putting a fresh coat of paint on a house with a failing foundation. It is unsound and off-balance, it won't feel satisfying, and your results WON'T LAST.
• "ONCE AND FOR ALL!"~ You said it, but you can't mean it: Life and its sticky little problems are never "once and done," and creating a satisfying and comfortable home is not the exception to this rule. This process is about  putting systems in place that will need MAINTENANCE. The more complex and impressive your system for filing paperwork, the more onerous it will be to keep up. The more remnants of fabric you hold on to, the more effort it will take to keep them clean and accessible so they actually get used someday. SO, whatever you are going to store (I hope it isn't much), make sure it is done simply and that it is worth the time and energy it will cost you to do so.

I want you to note that I didn't use pictures of my own closets, my very own basement storage area, or my kitchen junk drawer (yes, I have one)  in this post. While they are in functional, workable form with little clutter, they aren't much to look at, and that is just how I like them. I don't feel the need to have  my closets and other storage areas camera ready, and I hope you don't either. Sure, all of those perfectly folded clothes and stacked toiletries are pretty, but I would rather spend my time doing things I enjoy with those I love ...wouldn't you?

Arriving Home

Each week I write about all kinds of things that have been rattling around in my head as I work with clients, from clutter to contractors to kitchen colors.

But no matter the topic, what I am always trying to say is this:

You deserve to live in a place that is beautiful to you, a space that speaks to your soul and makes you feel at home.

When you have such a place to go to at the end of the day-- a place that helps you relax and restore--you have more to give to the people you love, and more to give to the world at large.

This important place (your home) is created one little step at a time (not overnight), it is created through keeping things simple (not by being fussy and spending a lot of money), and it is created by being honest with yourself about what things really make you feel good and therefore have a place in your space.

My challenge to you: find 5 things in your home that you love and make you feel good, and 5 things that you know drag you down. Make sure the lovely things are somewhere prominent--where you can enjoy them. The other 5 things need to go -- their welcome is officially worn out.

The quaint & beautiful cottage paintings seen above can be found here and here.

Uncomfortable Where You Are, Unsure of Where To Go

Oftentimes, a new client will contact me because they know that their room or house in its current state is uncomfortable to them, and they are ready to make a change. What they are unsure of is the direction in which to go~Which path will get them to their destination? Which routes are too costly? They can even wonder what is the desirable destination, anyway??

So begins the process of finding our way! There are a number of things that help us on our journey. The questions below help to leave breadcrumbs, distinguish landmarks, and chart the course so that we can arrive at a space that is functional, beautiful, and just right for the people who will be using it. It is essentially drawing a map that we will use to ensure safe passage...

1. How do you want the room to feel when it is finished? It is important to be specific when answering this question, because a clear answer will help you to determine things that fit that feeling for you, versus those that DON'T.  For instance, a room in which you want to feel "carefree, and completely relaxed," should not contain a white sofa that has loose scatterback pillows always in need of straightening, and a coffee table on which you can't set down a drink without a coaster. Just sayin'....

2. What is the purpose of the room? What function does it provide for those who use it? Does this sound like a silly question to you? You would be amazed how often there are things in a room that have NOTHING to do with helping that room meet its purpose and support you. These things are there sometimes by default, they are taking up valuable space, and are just in your way. Answer that question with clarity, and move the clutter out.

3. What is appealing to you? Pages out of magazines that you are drawn to, rooms from favorite places in your past (like we talked about last week), types of fabrics, favorite colors, the list can go on and on. When you answer this question, go back to #1, and see which of these favorites evoke the feeling you want for the space. If it fits the feeling, then you can go on to see how you want to add that element to the room.

Vintage map image courtesy of BananaStrudel.

Your Frustrating, Cluttered, & Overwhelming House (and Mine)

Yesterday was one of those days. You know, one of those days. It all started much like any other day. My husband and I were enjoying a cup of coffee in the kitchen when my daughter bounded into the room, and gleefully chimed:

"I am ready early today!! Wow! What am I going to do until it is time to get the bus??"

I responded with encouragement, coffee mug in hand:

"Well, it would be great if you could take 15 minutes or so and pick up some things off your floor."

Husband, with enthusiasm:

"Yeah! That would be great."

Pause here for indignant look of distaste, followed by a scrunching of one's nose...you know whose.

"But....That would be a waste of time."

Yep, it was time for what we call in our household  a little "Come To Jesus" meeting.

The frustration level in our house has been building lately.  My kids aren't frustrated...not at all. They are distracted. Distracted and forgetting the basics of how to be  good citizens of our household. They are too busy being understandably gleeful about the impending end of school, and all the fun that goes along with the weather getting warmer and the days getting longer.  My son, who is twelve, is especially distracted. "Like, .....I  don't know....why I....just came in the room....(oh, yeah! I need a snack!)" distracted. I think there should be a whole separate clinical category for 12 year old boy distraction. It is epic and amazing to behold.

Ahhhh, hormones.

So, if you are frustrated, too, here are some things to remember and steps to take:

1.If there is smoke, there is fire--That's right, if you are feeling frustrated with your house, nine times outta ten there is probably CLUTTER involved. You won't see it as clutter at first (it is really good at disguising itself as useful, meaningful items), but once you start looking more closely you will see there is a lot of stuff hanging around that you don't truly love, find useful, or think is especially beautiful.

2. Put out the fire--I mean donate it, recycle it, give it so someone who will use it. Having less STUFF to clean up, put away, dust and fuss over is the way to lessen frustration and gain peace.

3. Remember that it is a journey, not a destination--I have to remind myself of this one all the time. We are so seduced in our culture by the "once and done" myth. You know the reality decorating shows that have the awful "before" followed by the amazing reveal that make us all subconsciously believe that now the people's house, lives, everything is now finished and perfect--no more worries. THIS IS NOT TRUE. Creating a home that nurtures you is an ongoing process that requires day in and day out  maintenance and the understanding that rooms, like people and families, evolve over time.

4.Play to your strengths-- There are things we are good at, and hopefully like to do, and there are things we wish we never had to do again. If you live within a family, I bet there are things that you don't like to do, that someone else in the household is particularly good at and doesn't mind doing. For example, my son is wonderfully good at washing cars, and he loves to do it. If he washes my car once a week, I am so happy to help him fold and put away his clean clothes. Family life is about working together and sharing, making the whole thing easier (we all just need a reminder of this from time to time--hopefully before someone gets to the point of snarkiness and feeling like everyone else's slave. Ahem.)

Frustration is a symptom not of a terminal disease, but of a malady that is swiftly cured with teamwork and a little elbow grease.  Amen!