Whose House Is It? I hope you make it yours...

To make a long story very, very short, in the eight months between the spring break of my senior year of high school, and the end of my first semester of college freshman year, both of my parents fell ill and passed away, one right after the other, from separate, devastating illnesses.

As you can imagine, my grades from that time weren't all that impressive. 

About a year later,  I was all of 19 years old, a newlywed, and a homeowner as I stood on the front lawn of my first house watching a big moving van pull up to make its delivery. Our simple Cape Cod already contained too much stuff--numerous heirlooms and antiques, family stories and treasures--things I held on to with both hands at the time, because I had had to let go of my mother all too soon...

This huge truck looming at the curb waited to unload all of my father's personal effects. The ketchup packets that had been in his fridge door during his last earthly days were unceremoniously packed up in the same box with his mother's best china--no rhyme or reason to its randomness. All the way from the west coast, all parts of my father's material life, whether intimate and important, or worthless and inconsequential, had arrived, packed by unknown hired hands now to be assimilated into the lives of a very young girl and her new (and also very young) husband. 

While this story is uniquely mine, all of us experience times like this in our lives…a time of transition or loss that creates a tidal wave of emotion, often followed by a storm surge of STUFF--things left over from a lifetime that has ended or changed course.  If you have recently gone through something like this yourself, or are perhaps in the middle of just such a storm, here are some things to remember:

1. Own where you live. I know it took a long time for me to do this myself--to feel that my home is mine and should reflect the idea that my life is in front of me (as is yours). I don't need to act as curator of all things from those who came before me (and nor do you). Under your roof should only be the things that make you smile and give you a sense of the wonderful possibilities ahead--not things kept out of obligation or guilt. 

2. Ask yourself if you would buy it again. A good way to know if something that you have from your past has earned its right to be in your home is to ask yourself if you were to come across the same item in an antiques store or elsewhere, would it turn your head? Would you long to own it?  This idea has helped me and so many of my clients to really, honestly see things for the first time that are taking up square footage in their life.

3. We are not our stuff. With all of the emotion that comes with life's transitions and losses, it is easy to be distracted by all of the THINGS and give them an inflated importance. It is all just STUFF. Even "valuable" things are just things--if they don't serve you and help you create the life you long for, they aren't of value to you nor do they add value to who you are, you wonderful, amazing-just-as-you-are person, you. 

So, whose house is it, anyway? It is yours. And hopefully yours is a home that nurtures and supports you with a few select meaningful things from your past, as well as beauty and peace for the journey forward into your future. 

You Are The Hero This Story Needs

I came across this quote a few weeks ago, and it got me to thinking....  

The important thing is to tell yourself a life story in which you, the hero, are primarily a problem solver rather than a helpless victim. This is well within your power, whatever fate may have dealt you.--Martha Beck

You may be wondering why I am mentioning this here...

I mean, what could this possibly have to do with our houses and how we live in them?

The thing is whenever a writer pens a story, one of the most important elements that adds atmosphere, color, mood and possibility is the setting where it all takes place. 

AND if we are writing a story (which we are each day of our lives), it is a thrilling, promising thing to recognize ourselves as the hero, the problem-solver,  the Main Character...and that protagonist needs the best, most supportive atmosphere possible in which to tell the story he or she really wants to tell. One of the main stages--perhaps the most important set-- where this story is played out is your home.

SO, I ask you:

• Does your home in its current state appeal to the protagonist in you? Does it seem beautiful, alluring, supportive? Does it feel like home??
• What do you feel your home currently says about who you are? Is this an accurate depiction?
• As you write the story of you, how would you best describe the place where the hero would live? How would spending time in your hero's home make you feel?

Just because you aren't leaping tall buildings in a single bound does not mean that your life can't be heroic, and it does not mean that you should ignore important elements that will help you to move toward the life you envision your hero living.

If your house is not supporting the story you want to tell, there are ways to make simple changes that can make all the difference....

And since you are the hero in this story, you possess all of the power and skill necessary to make these oh-so-meaningful changes.

You really do.

A Quick BEFORE & AFTER

With a large old sofa and worn out (but much loved) recliner, a fireplace wall that lacked detail, and a layout that needed some tweaking, my clients' family room was a space that they hoped could be welcoming and gorgeous...someday.  

As of this week, I believe that day has come!  As we put most of the finishing touches on the lovely new space, I wanted to show you a sneak peek of how things have come together:

I love how warm and bright the room feels now with new textures, paint colors, rug, furniture, built-in bookcases, and accessories to cozy it up. The blue and camel color scheme brings out the warmth in the stone fireplace and pulls the whole space together beautifully. 

It is a joy to do what I do! 

But it didn't turn out quite how I thought it would...

Transformation can be a tricky thing.

As a culture, I have to say we are pretty fascinated with transformation. There are television shows about weight loss, getting fit, becoming famous, and, of course, my favorite--home renovation. 

Those BEFORE & AFTER shots can be downright intoxicating, right? 

On a good day, those images and stories can show us what is possible, inspiring us to do things differently in our own lives. On a bad day, it tricks us into thinking that really complicated problems can be easily fixed within the timeframe of an hour-long television program. 

(I have read that some of those oh-so-engaging HGTV shows may transform one space in a house while piling stuff in adjacent rooms that are off-camera, creating new problems and a big mess that still needs addressing. Interesting...) 

Sometimes we accidentally create chaos rather than transformation when we try to just make something pretty while ignoring or being blissfully unaware of the underlying challenges and problems that make that thing ugly or dysfunctional in the first place.

We don't mean to do this. We just don't know what we are getting ourselves into! 

For example, have you ever bought new furniture for a room and been so looking forward to the new look you were creating, only to be deeply disappointed when it arrived because it wasn't the right size or shape, didn't look how you had hoped it would, and made the room actually feel worse to you? 

OR

Have you ever invested in a renovation project that resulted in a space that still frustrated you and didn't turn out quite how you thought it would--despite throwing all that money at the problem?

*SIGH* Haven't we all? 

Good transformations--ones that have remarkable, long-lasting positive results--come from taking the time to understand what really is at the core of the thing we long to change.  

Maybe a sofa is too big for the space, and what you really need to make it sensational is a loveseat?

Maybe your house is driving you nuts, and instead of renovating and reconfiguring closets, it would be better to start by clearing out clutter and getting back to basics before you hire a contractor?

Maybe instead of hanging new curtains and artwork, you need to figure out the best furniture layout for the room first so that it feels inviting and settled?

WHO KNEW??

These are the challenges I love helping people solve as the House Whisperer--and the result is a transformation that changes the way my clients live in their homes for the better for years to come. 

Keep Calm & Throw It Out

The feeling of calm is something that can be in short supply in our busy lives--and it is the feeling that most of us long to create in our homes. 

Should be easy, right? 

The mistake we can make is thinking that to improve a room, we have to ADD something. But in this case what is missing is CALM, and to create this much sought after feeling, we most often need to take something away. 

Because we are such busy people, we often have a lot of STUFF out in our homes and don't realize how this changes how we feel each day. 

You see, when we have a lot of stuff sitting out, it is almost like having a group of people all talking at us at the same time. You may not really "see" all of those items on the shelf or stuck on the refrigerator anymore --it may have become white noise to you--but trust me, they are still trying to get your attention and causing a commotion every time your eye glances over them....

What things around your home can be taken down, donated, thrown out, put in a drawer, or stored in such a way that it gives you some visual rest? Having less on the surfaces in our homes automatically makes it feel more settled. It helps us to feel more calm. 

And peace and calm is what I wish for you, dear friends!